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9.9 Class Project Option

Honor a Deceased Loved One Visibly in Your Room  

It has been noted throughout this course, that modern Western cultures are relative death averse.  Though we are seemingly drawn to spectacular, fictional deaths (e.g., futuristic war movies) or grizzly true-crime documentaries (which, though real are statistically rare), we tend not to discuss real fears and emotions surrounding the end of life. We are seemingly not as drawn to movies or accounts of the types of death that most of us will likely experience such as heart disease.  When a coworker or neighbor has suffered a significant loss, unless we are very close to them, we try not to bring it up or perhaps offer very brief and formulaic condolences.  Even when a close friend or relative dies in our own lives, our grieving is often quite private.  Following a funeral, we may visit a gravesite once or twice a year, we may have a scrapbook in a bookcase, or perhaps a picture of the deceased on a shelf.  We don’t want to make others uncomfortable by regularly conversing about the deceased, sharing memories, or making reminders of them a conspicuous feature of our homes.  What we do in the name of good taste or privacy would seem very strange to individuals from other cultures who regard the living and the dead as intertwined. Take for instance a traditional Japanese Buddhist family.  It is not uncommon to have a butsudan in a prominent place in the home. The butsudan is a household alter that is placed in a prominent place in the home (e.g. living room). It has pictures of the deceased and important artifacts as an ongoing and conspicuous reminder of the deceased and a testament to the intertwined lives of multiple generations.  In addition to being a display/memorial, families honor the deceased through prayers, symbolic gifts of food, or commitments and intentions to live in a way that honors them.

For this assignment, you are being asked to bring your love and reverence for a deceased relative more into the open than Western society typically encourages.  You should set up the equivalent of a butsudan (though you need not be Buddhist or even religious) – a table or a desktop – where you display pictures and artifacts of the deceased friend, family member or loved one you wish to honor for at least one month.  Rather than letting it just collect dust for a month, however, you should be intentional about visiting it once per day at least. You may offer a prayer for, or in memory of that person, if you are religious. Or you might take a moment to share and describe a memory of that person. Other days you might commit to an action that might be inspired by this person’s memory. In short, you need not do the exact same thing each day, but for a month you should visit the display and be intentional about remembering, honoring, and memorializing that person.  You will write two essays – one at the beginning of the month and one at the end. Specific instructions are noted below.

For this assignment you should:
  • Set up a butsudan-like memorial of a deceased love one in a prominent place in your room for one month. It should include pictures and artifacts that represent who they were in life.
  • You should visit this space daily for at least 5-10 minutes and do something specific and intentional to connect with their memory. This may be a prayer, a memory you “share” with the person (oral or in writing), or a verbalized intention to do something that honors them or that is inspired by their memory.
  • Write 2 1500-word essays – one at the beginning of the month and one at the end. For the first essay, describe your memorial and – if you choose – include a picture. Describe who this person was and why you are honoring them and want to stay connected with their memory. Describe what it is like to suddenly have a conspicuous memorial to them in your living space. For the second essay at the very end of the month, describe how successful you were in being intentional about visiting the space daily and describe what types of actions you took to memorialize them. Though some of these might be very private and you may not wish to share them, others may be more acceptable to describe in this essay. The second essay should also describe what impacts this experience had on you, whether it impacted your grief (if applicable) and whether it helped you feel more connected with them and their memory.

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On Death and Dying Copyright © 2022 by Jacqueline Lewis is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License, except where otherwise noted.