9.7 Focus on Psychological Research – Alternative Mourning Rituals and Memorials

When a loved one passes away, we gather with close friends and loved ones of the deceased to provide solace, comfort, and emotional support. We share stories and memories of the deceased as a testament to a life that mattered and will be remembered and cherished.  Not only does this provide surviving loved ones with communal support and an awareness that they are not alone in their grief, but such events and tributes can assuage death anxiety and existential concerns that we all have. Regardless of our religious beliefs (or lack thereof), we all hope that our life on earth matters and that we have impacted others in positive ways. We all hope that long after we are gone, others will remember us fondly and that our memory and legacy will live on after our physical death.  Funerals provide in-person opportunities to grieve and support with similarly affected others – and they can promote closure by affirming that the loss is “real”.  It is typically the case that funerals are followed by more permanent displays of one’s life, death, and legacy. This may be a marble tombstone that can be visited by loved ones for decades. It may be a planted tree or bench with a plaque that lists the deceased’s birthdate and date of death and perhaps a brief summary of their life or a treasured quote.  It can take the form of a memorial tattoo. In all of these cases, there is a desire to establish a permanent record of a life well-lived and a life that mattered so that the deceased will not be forgotten.  But what happens when circumstances prevent gathering of mourners from afar? When there is no body to be buried and commemorated with a tombstone or an urn? How do we commemorate and memorialize loss when someone is missing and presumed dead, or remains cannot be found? What happens when standard memorial or funerary practices are not possible?  The study below happens to focus on one specific context – inability to travel to and hold public funerals for deceased in the very early days of the covid pandemic, but the findings are arguably more generalizable. Consider the implications of the study described for any situation when one cannot travel to a funeral (e.g., visa denial, incarceration, deployment overseas, etc.). What are the impacts of disrupted, conventional memorialization and what might mitigate these impacts?

Benefits of Alternative Mourning Rituals and Memorials

Manquinho and colleagues (2024) explored grief reactions of those who were unable to hold or attend in-person funerals for deceased individuals during the early days of the coronavirus pandemic and they also studied the influence of alternative mourning rituals (AMR’s – e.g., paying tribute on social media, lighting candles in memory of the deceased, and using objects of the deceased) on grief reactions and outcomes.  Of the 227 individuals studied who had experienced the death of a loved one early in the pandemic, unsurprisingly, limitations in the ability to memorialize or commemorate the loved one in person was associated with more pronounced grief responses.  Some individuals conducted their own (remote) ceremonies with candles and/or artifacts of the deceased. Others created social media tribute and memorial pages to the deceased – which also afforded opportunities for shared (if distal) communal grieving and rituals.  The individuals who engaged in formal AMRs experienced a buffered grief reaction and better adjustment relative to individuals who lamented the lack of conventional in-person memorialization but did not make use of AMRs.  Generalizing beyond the pandemic, it may be argued that in many contexts when one is unable to attend a funeral, when travel is restricted, or a person is missing with no remains to be buried or cremated, that formal ritualistic ceremonies and memorialization can be helpful in grieving and connecting with community – even if those actions are unconventional. The authors note that psychological flexibility in life commemoration is adaptive and can expedite healing in situations when traditional memorialization is not feasible.  Quite obviously, it is possible that these benefits do not extend to grievers from orthodox religious traditions that require specific and unwavering body disposition procedures and funeral rites – though this is an empirical question that could be studied.  For most individuals, however, finding small, tangible, and lasting ways to remember and honor the deceased can be helpful.